The Top 5 Reasons You are Still Single

1: Who you are on the outside is not who you are on the inside

helena in black dress by viv.jpg

I work with a great deal of clients over the phone and sometimes when I meet them in person I am taken aback by how they look. I mean that in a good way, they are gorgeous! Feminine, sexy and put together.  The reason I am shocked is because over the phone they sound intimidating and ball busting, I imagine them in black with chunky boots...I know that doesn’t sound great, it’s just the contrast, of how feminine they look and how masculine they sound. I have come to believe these women have trouble because men are visual and are attracted to their feminine exteriors, however when they are together, the man doesn’t feel the way he wants to, he doesn’t get to feel like he is helpful, winning, making a difference, sexy, and appreciated. He doesn’t feel great about himself and men fall in love with you based on how they feel about themselves when they are with you..

 

2: You are giving off the wrong signals

If you are looking at your phone all the time, closed off and acting unavailable, men are inclined to think either, you are in a relationship or you think you are too good for them. Nobody likes to be rejected, so if a guy thinks rejection is a sure thing, they are NEVER approaching you. The flipside is, if they do approach you, it is because they LIKE that you are unavailable, which is why they don’t find you so attractive when you start being available.

Obviously acting available is not for the office, so you may be out of practice. I’m not suggesting you put on an outfit that says open for business, what I think is needed is a level of openness, that most of my clients find they need to practice. It is so boring, however eye contact! Practice it (not at the office).

 

3: You don’t feel good enough and that is what the guy is picking up

You are still single so it’s easy to think that perhaps it might be you...Chicken and egg situation, did you start out not thinking you were awesome so have spent your 20’s collecting evidence to support that within your primary relationships or did these years of failed relationships make you feel that there is something wrong with you? Either way the result is the same, and I am not a therapist so I am not one for digging into the why, just the how to fix it! This takes baby steps, however it is possible. 

 

4: You are attracted to men that will never love you

This may be something you need to seek therapy about and dig into the why. However to be honest, even after 10 years of therapy, I was still attracted to the unavailable guy. It took some serious behavioral therapy (complete avoidance) coupled with my stronger sense of self from therapy to not go down the rabbit hole.

 

5: You don’t fight for yourself and nobody else is fighting for you either

It’s easy to think that it is just going to happen, you are fabulous so obviously. However it hasn’t happened and now when everyone else gets to go home to their families you are the one that has to, by default, stay late to finish up the work, because you have nothing to go home for...except yourself!!! You need to fight for yourself first so you can make room for your personal life to show up. This isn’t everyone’s problem, however it is a syndrome that I see often, where, it’s a rut that they find themselves in after dedicating themselves to their jobs in their twenties.

 

Bonus

6: You’re not working with me...

We can all go to the gym, however when you have paid for a session with a trainer, you show up for them, even when you wouldn’t have shown up for yourself, you workout hard, in an educated way and you get your money’s worth. That is what working with me is like. It puts you on the fast track. You know something has to change, you just can’t find the perspective and faith to do it - I can do that for you.You can’t prioritize finding love for yourself, because work gets busy and you lose momentum - I will hold you to your priorities and work with you to continue the momentum. I will also be kind, accepting and empathetic, because I’ve been there.