How to Move Quickly from Unavailable to Available

Most of us don’t start out unavailable, however over time, events happen in our lives that cause us pain and our natural reaction is to find ways to avoid experiencing that pain again. 

It may be that you typically choose the guy that you will never marry, unconsciously keeping yourself safe. You might put weight on as a way to have a reason why you are not getting into a relationship - ‘I have to lose 10 Ibs first’, you might fill your life up with unavailable men, or just work all the time and have no space for a relationship? The opportunities to close yourself off to love and potential suffering are vast.

 

The way to change these unavailable behaviors is to firstly identify which ones you have and then start baby stepping your way towards the outer limits of your comfort zone.

 

Here are a couple of examples:

 

One of my clients, realized that she had a strong belief that was keeping her single and this wasn’t the result she wanted. Identifying this belief, allowed her to change her behavior, she stopped coming across as unavailable and is now in a committed relationship with a great guy.

 

For another client, taking the time to identify what it was that she truly wanted meant that she started choosing different men and letting go of the ones that were just taking up space. The

end of that story is that I am going to her wedding this month.

 

My point is, that finding out you are unavailable is excellent news, it means you have something to work with. You can take back the power and realize it’s not that the good guys have all been taken, it’s that you haven’t been open to connecting with them.